The Pilgrimage
by InsolentKnight
Summary: Vulgarity, obscene topics, graphic nudity (er...kinda), a whole lotta laughs, and men who act like babies....What more could you want?"
1. Default Chapter

The Pilgrimage  
  
The journey begins..in an f'd up place  
  
A/N: Taintdknight: what's up biyatches!  
  
Insolent mouth: Hi my name is (cannot indulge this information) and I am an addicted fanfic reader.  
  
Taintdknight: Oh take it to an abuse room biznatch!!!  
  
Insolent mouth: I do not appreciate being discriminated against by the likes of you, you stupid bitch ass cracker mother fukAAAAAAA!  
  
Taintdknight: Oooooh, I'm a cracker looks who's talking bit- uh.whoops I think we got-  
  
Insolent mouth: CUSTOMERS! CUSTOMERS!  
  
Taintdknight: Ok, lay off the aderol you dumbshit; we left the store 15 minutes ago. Readers we have young Padabong.  
  
Insolent mouth: well in that case I guess I should put my shirt back on...and get on with the story.  
  
Taintdknight:...AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!! Virgin eyes, virgin eyes, if you're gonna' do that go get some Viagra and go in the back room!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Insolent mouth: not SEX! type the god damn story! So here we go sit your ass down and shut up u can breast feed that baby later! Now on with the story  
  
DISCLAIMER: WE OWN NOTHING IN THIS STORY ESCEPT THE MOLDY BREAD...WE SWEAR WE THREW IT AWAY WE DIDN'T MAKE PB AND J WITH IT! HONEST!! WE ARE POOR ALL OUR MONEY IS SENT TO WALDEN BOOKS FOR MANGA! ***********************************************************************  
  
~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*2 teenagers in a young village o_O kissing noises in the background  
  
Yuna: Tidus u pussy ass bitch lets just do it already I am ready dammit!  
  
Tidus: but I'm not ready! I'm not emotionally stable can't u wait until I am at a vulnerable point in my life and then seduce me? * Puppy dog face* pleaseeee  
  
Yuna: stick the thing in there!!!  
  
Tidus: no, I'm not ready, it wouldn't be right  
  
Yuna (grabs Tidus' hand): Fine I'll make you do it  
  
Tidus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: FIIIISHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!COOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEE BAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! *~~~~~~~* Flush noises~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~*  
  
Yuna: Well, somebody had to do it.You're such a pansy ass mother fucker!!!!! sometimes!!!!!  
  
Tidus (weeping on the floor with tears): How could you do that, Fishy didn't deserve the bowl, you could have sent him!!!!!  
  
Yuna: A GOD DAMN FISH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus (nods head): Fish have feelings too.  
  
Yuna: GO JOIN PETA FOR CHRIST SAKES!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~*Loud belch in background, strong booze smell fills air~~~~*~~~~*  
  
Yuna and Tidus (sweat drop)  
  
Rikku: WHY ARE YOU STUPID FUCKS YELLING SO LOUD I HAD A PARTY LAST NIGHT AND I AM STILL HUNG OVER!  
  
Yuna: why are you yelling?  
  
Rikku: I'm not..  
  
Yuna: uh yeah you are....  
  
Rikku: Penis....  
  
Yuna: excuse me?..  
  
Rikku You heard me bitch.. I said penis!  
  
Yuna: why did u say penis?  
  
Rikku: I didn't....  
  
Yuna yes u did...  
  
Rikku: NO I FUCKING DIDN'T!!!!!!!! (SUMMONS BAHUMIT AND USES MEGA FLARE!)  
  
Yuna: resets playstation... now what BIATCH! YO MOMMMA!!!!  
  
Rikku that is why I saved u stupid cunt face mother fucking scrotum tit!  
  
Yuna: I happen to take pride in these bitch. (Flashes audience/ hairy scrotum dangles from nipples)  
  
Tidus: OH MY GOD!!!!!!...........Can I touch 'em?!?  
  
Rikku: OH MY FUCKING GOD...WASN'T MY SCROTUM TIT ENOUGH FOR YOU!  
  
Yuna: cough cough*  
  
Tidus: maybe.....no..  
  
Yuna: cough cough*  
  
Rikku: well then maybe the third nipple on my ass will be! (Bends over)  
  
Yuna: I SAID COUGH COUHG U DUMB FUCKS!  
  
(SILENCE CRICKETS CHIRP MERRILY)  
  
Yuna: we have to go to the next village so we can get more characters so pack your bags bitches!  
  
Tidus: Can I take my teddy bear?  
  
Yuna: FUCK NO!!!!  
  
Tidus: But that's where my drug stash is....  
  
Rikku: If you were smart you'd hide it up your ass like me! (Smiles cheerfully)  
  
Tidus: but I thought that was where your rocket launcher was?  
  
Rikku: It is still there too, along with my mecha tama and my um yeah... Cough cough?* so where was it we were going again?  
  
Yuna: the village of reactor 7 the house of hookers!  
  
************************************************************************ A/N:  
  
Taintdknight: Wow, you're fucked up!!!!!!!!  
  
Insolent mouth: it wasn't me it was that guy in the corner with horns.....he told me to do it .he said that if I got in trouble that I could say Satan told me to do it..  
  
Taintdknight: Uh huh..sure.... That's what u said when u pushed me off the Grand Canyon botch...  
  
Insolent mouth: no I didn't it was the monkey with the mullet and the revolver he said that if I didn't do it he was going to shoot the banana....and I couldn't let him do it... Taintdknight:..... Anyways, uh. the review our story..anything that doesn't make since.FUCK OFF, WE DON'T CARE..we only accept funny flames so don't send em if they aren't and..(looks at piece of paper).You wrote it .What the fuck does it say?!?  
  
Insolent mouth: banana....... (I have no clue what she just typed up there but review! or u might start seeing monkeys but if u aren't on acid then u might not..) 


	2. Chapt 2

Chapter 2  
  
A/N:  
  
Kaoriknight: I hope you dumb fucks liked the first chapter.....  
  
Insolent mouth: AHHHHH! THE VOICE IS BACK! Why is it back I'm not on drugs today?  
  
Taintdknight: ....WHERE THE HELL'D THAT VOICE COME FROM???????????  
  
Kaoriknight: HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! I'm gunna' fuck you guys up!!!!!!!!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (evil psychotic laughter)!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Insolent mouth: Ahhhhhh, no not the nemesis! They are going to steal all of our pot and anime'! (We don't really have pot he stole it, takes knife to Kaoriknight's throat!!!!!!!)  
  
Taintdknight: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! DON'T KILL ME.Remember Kaori is my split personality..the drugs will make it go away..I SWEAR...Hmmm, now if I could just find them.   
  
Insolent mouth: maybe... Your other personality is a side affect of the drugs o_O? And maybe it is the underpants gnomes that are steeling my underwear not Satan...  
  
Kaoriknight: OKAY, BITCH! JUST WRITE THE DAMN STORY ALREADY!!!!!!!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: well we still don't own anything..ummmm we have empty beer bottles, and our pennies, and most of the enemies, and our anime books, an- SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BITCH ASS HOES!!!!!!!!! Now as I was saying, we own nothing.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*Final Fantasy Battle Transition Sound~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~  
  
Tidus: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna: SHUT YER MOUTH, IT WAS JUST A BUTTERFLY, YOU BITCH ASS PANSY MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!  
  
Rikku: I ran outta' booze!!!!  
  
Tidus and Yuna: (stare at Rikku) ......  
  
Yuna : kicks Rikku in the head....get up u lazy fuck!  
  
Rikku: but I am out of vodka...  
  
Yuna: yeah well that is too fucking bad get off your lazy ass and give me piggy back ride biitch!_ grabs leash  
  
Rikku: well ok.. but only for a little bit  
  
(Walking along innocently the blue come and shoot acidic goo onto Yuna's dress out of vaginal looking mouth)  
  
Yuna: MAXIMUM RAGEEEEEEEE! (Changes to super sayain) jubei kamehameha!  
  
(Blasts blue into oblivion)  
  
Sailor moon: god dammit I was gonna cook that and eat it!  
  
Sailor mars: Serena your fuck up! We haven't eaten in 3 days we aren't anorexic!  
  
Sailor mercury: yes that is correct I do believe that we are bulimic!  
  
Sailor Mercury: Why are you guys staring at me like that?!?  
  
Sailors Scouts descend upon Mercury screaming: MEAT!!!!!!!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: I GET THE PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sailor Moon : Mine or the blue's?  
  
Yuna: OKAY! THAT'S NUFF OF THIS SHIT!!!!!!! (Casts Mega Flare)  
  
Game Over...  
  
Yuna: WHAT THE FUCK?!? YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!!!  
  
Rikku: I SWEAR I DIDN'T!!!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO PRESS THE START BUTTON, AND CHOOSE EXIT!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna sharps fingernails with gun blade..Face turns black, eyes glow red, and she stares maliciously at Rikku...  
  
Rikku gulps: TIDUS!!!!!SAVE ME, YOU MOTHER FUCKER, DO SOMETHING!!!!!!  
  
Yuna chases Rikku with pitch fork, which is chasing down Tidus, who dives behind the playground slide!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus' face lands in to very cushiony pillows....  
  
Tidus: These are so soft.and warm..and full!!!!!!!!  
  
Anonymous voice: $10 and you can take off the pillow case!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: Really  
  
Sexy Bitch Ass Anonymous Voice: OMNISLASHX3  
  
Tifa: I was about to get $10 bucks, too buy some Ultima material, YOU DUMB SEXY BITCH!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud scratches head in very sexy way..  
  
Rikku: Hey big man, how'd you like to come home with me tonight!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna and Tifa fuse into Tuna: Nasty panties attack!!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud : WHAT'S THAT SMELL!!!?!!!! IT SMELLS LIKE NASTY PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Barret: Sorry, I forgot to shower this month!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Anonymous Transvestite Guy: Neo Bahumat  
  
Barret: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everybody stops and stares.......  
  
Rikku: You guys have any vodka, or know where I can purchase some?  
  
Tifa: Why don't you stick yer head up yer ass and-  
  
Rikku: Oh yeah, I did have some up there!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: With your bazooka and mecha tama?!?  
  
Everyone:............  
  
Tifa: That's just gross you guys are some nasty ass bitches. But we are going to join your party anyways but cloud is the leader since he is a sexy ass biAtch, ya' mean?  
  
Menu pops up: You may choose your characters' classes now....  
  
Tidus:.....what should I be...How about a....bus driver!  
  
Menu: No, you dumb ass, your battle classification!  
  
Tidus: Oh.how about a...fortune teller!  
  
Yuna: DAMMIT TIDUS!!!! FIGHTING!!!!!!  
  
Yuna: Just make him a swordsman....  
  
Tidus: YES!!!!I GET A FUCKING BAD ASS SWORD!!!!!!  
  
Everyone stares at Tidus with bulging eyes and sweat drops:....  
  
Tidus: Uh..  
  
Menu: Anyways, who's next..how about Tifa?  
  
Tifa: I'm a crack dealing bar hostess, so can I be a boxer please, I'll give you head for free!!!!!!!!!  
  
Menu:...SURE, YOU CAN!!!!!  
  
Yuna mumbles under breath slut.  
  
Tifa: Wanna' say that to my face bitch!  
  
Rikku:....Penis!  
  
Tifa: WHAT THE FUCK?!?  
  
Rikku:..PENIS!!!!!.......PENIS, PENIS, PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone:...OKAY!!!!!!RIGHT, UM YEAH!!!!!  
  
Cloud: Okay so, how about we all get high then blow up that reactor, now!!!!!  
  
Everyone cheers: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! **************2 Hours Later after they got high, and blew up the reactor, mugged a prostitute and got herpes*************************  
  
Yuna: ....So where should we go next!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: We can go to a whore house!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: But I already work there!!!!!!!!!! Rikku: Then we can get free drinks from 'em!!!!!!  
  
Cloud: But Don Cornelius doesn't let girls in....  
  
Rikku: That doesn't mean we can't dress up as one!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Or you could apply to work there with me!!!!!!!!  
  
Menu: OKAY.FUCK THIS, SCREW GIVING YOU CLASSIFICATIONS, I'LL JUST GIVE YOU THE CLOTHES FOR IT..CHOOSE AS YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: Wow!!!! The light is sooooooooo pretty!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud : Tell me you don't actually go out with this guy!!!!!  
  
Yuna: Well, you're not the only sexy ass bitch around here!!!!! Ask Tifa!!!  
  
Tifa is teleporting around Tidus with puppy dog eyes, pleading him to take her.. Tidus goes to feel her up..  
  
Cloud and Yuna put on iron knuckle: QAUDRA IRON FISTED PUNCH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus goes flying through the air: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna and Rikku double team Tifa..Rikku goes into dark alley, and a big buff dude comes outta' nowhere. Yuna sits on Tifa and bends her leg back..  
  
Tifa starts smacking the ground: MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!MERCY!!!!!!!!  
  
Rikku: Meet my new best friend...His name is Bubba!!!!!!!  
  
Bubba picks up Tifa and goes into dark alley, Tifa starts screaming blood curdling screams!!!!!!!!!  
  
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rikku: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! OH, NO!!!!!!! IT'S THE PO-PO'S!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: DAMMIT!!!!!!!! It's all because I'm black ain't it... (A/N: Tifa isn't really black for you people who don't know anything about FF7)  
  
Tifa pulls out some boxer clothes, Cloud pulls out his sexy bitch ass clothes from Kingdom Hearts..Tidus pulls out his X-2 clothes, Rikku takes out her FFX suit, Yuna pulls out her summoner outfit...(A/N:DAMMIT, TO MUCH TYPING!!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
(kjsd fvesiur gjiae; jfo'iaeru 'ore UUOI HGIUD BU KHKSURHGISRG AUTHOR'S FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
POPO: alright bitches! Put ya' mutha' fuckin' hands up!  
  
Tidus: Hand check!  
  
Rikku's hand slowly rises up, from Cloud's flies...  
  
Tifa   
  
Tidus   
  
Yuna: GOD DAMMIT NOT AGAIN! THAT IS IT!   
  
Cloud screams: YES, I DID IT, I KICKED THEIR ASSES!  
  
Yuna: No, I did...  
  
Cloud: No, I did....  
  
Yuna: How about I chop off your skin flute! And sell it to a back street merchant for some crack and vodka!  
  
Rikku: ........... ...PENISSS! ..  
  
Tidus: Where?!?  
  
Cloud: Up my ass and around the corner!  
  
Tifa: Excuse me?  
  
Cloud: I said, How about we get going, it is a lovely day for a walk, after all?  
  
Everybody: OK!  
  
(They all start skipping along a yellow brick road. What kind of mysteries they find is unknown and might be unwanted knowledge.....but they are going anyways and will like it ^_^ (grins maniacally)  
  
Insolent mouth: well that was a mighty interesting adventure don't you think? Kaoriknight: I think it sucked cock!  
  
Insolent mouth (grows taller): YA KNOW WHAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR CRITICISM! IT HURTS MY FEELINGS AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY!  
  
Taintdknight: cough* cough pussy ass bitch muther fucker  
  
Kaoriknight: laughing evilly in the back ground ( MUHAHHAHAHA)  
  
Insolent mouth: alright that is it you fuckers I am tired of being ignored and picked on (grows fairy wings and attempts to fly away but is scared of 3 frogs sitting on as log saying "bud-wise-er"  
  
Taintdknight: well I think that is enough typing for today, woosha, woosha, woosha.  
  
Kaori knight: bye kids don't forget your sedatives next show!  
  
Insolent mouth( still waiting to fly away..) : ok that is enough ( uses laser eye beams blows up frogs ) ...wow I have special powers I think I will stay starts eye beaming things .  
  
Taintdknight: can I play with your eyes beams? (Looks innocent with big starry eyes)  
  
Insolent mouth: only if people review and u let me play with your shiny guns that u hid in your back pocket kk? ^_^  
  
Taintdknight: ok then (shakes hands but crosses fingers) 


End file.
